After the Glitter Fades

We all chase something and maybe this is a dream

Longing. For lack of any better word, I am longing for my past. It's not necessarily a past that existed, but the one that replays in my mind's eye that tells me what I'm missing in my life.

Oh you know...the dream keeps coming even when you forget to feel

I want what I have now, but back then. I am lonely and attention-starved and feel that I'm suffocating under the facade of a happy career woman. I want to bathe in a pool of sparkling jewels until they adorn my flesh. I want to smile, knowing that I'm desired and admired. I want to inhale the fumes of toxic Gatorade paste and dance in the dizzying morning to Gloria Gaynor. I want to play hide and seek while searching for my best friend, knowing she's behind me with her conch shell all along.

The timeless face of a rock and roll Woman...while her heart breaks

I want to hear cannons burst, jump-starting my body and mind into a realm that can only exist when I can't have it. I want to spend hours wishing away the people who come to feed my soul the attention it craves. I want to belong to my body again, instead of wishing I could divorce it every mirrored glance I get.

The feeling remains even after the glitter fades